


Call It A Clan

by MissPotionsMaster



Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPotionsMaster/pseuds/MissPotionsMaster
Summary: Vinny meant more to Jamie than anyone realized, and now he has to figure out how to move on, with the help of his clan.
Relationships: Danny Reagan/Linda Reagan, Danny Reagan/Original Male Character(s) (mentioned), Edit "Eddie" Janko/Jamie Reagan, Vinny Cruz/Jamie Reagan (mentioned)
Kudos: 11





	Call It A Clan

**Author's Note:**

> Set in season five, two years after Vinny’s death

Eddie felt out of sorts all day. When she arrived at work, she was informed by Sergeant Renzulli that Jamie wouldn’t be at work today, and for some reason, she had a distinct feeling of deja vu. It was bothering her so much that after lunch, she let Ferretti drive so she could scroll through her texts. It became instantly clear why she was getting this feeling. On this day, exactly a year ago, he’d called in sick. She texted him, asking if he needed anything, and he didn’t reply. Last year, she got the feeling that other officers knew something she didn’t, but she didn’t want to ask. Now, she realized that something must have happened and today is the anniversary.

For a moment, she considered asking Ferretti if he knew what happened, but she couldn’t do that. It would feel like she was gossiping about her partner, and she couldn’t betray him like that. As soon as her shift ended, she changed back into her street clothes, picked up a case of his favorite beer, and made her way to his apartment. She was surprised when it was Danny that answered the door, but he didn’t seem surprised to see her. He turned back to the living room, leaving the door open as he walked away, allowing Eddie to follow him in. She closed the door behind her and made her way into the small apartment. She hovered awkwardly to the side as Danny sat down next to Jamie on the couch, rested his hand on the back of his little brother’s neck, and asked “Do you want me to stick around or come back later?” 

“Go on home, you’ve been here all day. I’ll be fine, and Eddie will be here with me.” Jamie said, not sounding like himself. He sounded sad and raspy like he’d been crying, and she could feel the dread pool in her gut. 

“Are you sure? I can come back after the boys go to bed.” Danny offers. 

“No, stay home with Linda, I’m sure she’s worried about me,” Jamie says, offering a small smile to his big brother, and Eddie could feel the confusion filling her, though she continued to say nothing. 

“I’ll be by in the morning, we both have tomorrow off, and Linda wants to take you somewhere, get your mind off of everything,” Danny tells him. 

“Thanks, I’ll be ready by eleven, we can go to lunch,” Jamie says, leaning his head against his brother’s for the moment. “Thanks for being here with me today,” He adds, then sits up again. 

“Of course, call me if you need anything,” Danny says, getting up to gather his things. 

“I will,” Jamie says softly, nodding to his brother. Danny gives a nod to Eddie and takes his leave. 

After a few moments of silence, Eddie asks, “Can I sit down?” Jamie nods, not yet saying anything, so Eddie opens two beers, sets them on the coffee table in front of them, and settles beside the man. “So, I got to work this morning, and Renzulli came up to me, telling me you weren’t coming in today. I couldn’t shake this feeling of deja vu. It took me until after lunch to realize why. You called in sick last year on today’s date too, which led me to the conclusion that this is the anniversary of something...and I guess I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you,” She finishes, feeling unsettled with how little she knows about the situation she has walked into. 

It is obvious that her partner is upset about something, and it is also obvious that Danny knows what happened. When Jamie continued not to say anything, she says “I thought you and Danny don’t get along,”

“Usually we don’t...haven’t since he went to war when I was eight and he was nineteen. He came back four years later a changed man, and I didn’t know why until two years ago. Now, in this specific thing, we have more in common than anyone else in the family.” Jamie says, not looking at her, but reaching for the beer she placed on the coffee table.

“What happened two years ago?” Eddie asks, hoping to get some answers to this perplexing situation. 

Jamie heaves a sigh, scrubs a hand across his red-rimmed and puffy eyes, and says simply, “Two years ago exactly, my partner, Vinny Cruz, was shot and killed in an ambush at the Bitterman Projects. He died in my arms before back up or an ambulance could get there.” 

“Oh my god Jamie, that’s...unimaginably awful.” She says, shuttering at the thought of that happening with her and Jamie.

“You don’t even know the whole story yet,” Jamie says, sounding devastated. Eddie wasn’t sure she wanted to push. She didn’t want to make him feel worse than he obviously already does, but he’s apparently on a roll now. “Vinny wasn’t just my work partner. He and I had been secretly dating for months before the shooting. His last words were telling me that it’s ok and that he loves me. Danny and Linda are the only ones to know...well, until now.”

He still refused to look her in the eye, worried he would see judgment, so she reached over, taking his hand in hers, and asking quietly, “Where does Danny fit in?” 

“My family insisted on a family trip after the funeral, getting me away from the city for a bit. That’s when he told me…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie couldn’t stand being around people right now. He felt like he was ruining the trip for everyone else, and wished he could retreat to his apartment to grieve his loss in private. He’d been sitting alone on the beach staring at the horizon for about two hours when Danny found him, settling down in the sand beside him. They sat in silence for another ten minutes before Danny started to speak, “Do you remember when I came back from my deployment when I was twenty-three, and I wouldn’t get out of bed for three weeks?” 

Jamie nodded, not looking at Danny or speaking, so Danny continues, “Everyone thought it was just PTSD, only Linda knows the truth.” This finally got Jamie to look over at his big brother, confusion covering his features. “In that last mission of my deployment, my unit was ambushed, and I took a bullet in the shoulder and another in the leg,” 

“I remember, mom cried when we were notified about your injury, and we drove you to PT for a couple of months.” Jamie said, trying to remember as much about that time as he could, “Honestly most of what I remember is feeling like you hated me because you were yelling at me all of the time. You never used to do that.” 

“I was in a very dark place, I’m sorry that I took it out on you. I guess I never mended our relationship after that, huh?” Danny says, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. Jamie just shakes his head no, waiting for Danny to continue his story. “Well, on that mission, we were ambushed, I was injured, most of the team were killed, and another member of my unit carried me most of the way back to base. His name was Billy Stevenson, and he was my best friend. We met in basic training and bonded immediately. We were somehow assigned to the same unit and we only got closer from there,”

Here, Danny pauses, seeming to brace himself for whatever reaction Jamie may have, “Just before my deployment, Linda and I broke up. I felt guilty about making her wait for me for four years. I told her to date other people, and if, when I come back, she still loves me, then we’d get married. She tried to talk me out of it, but I made her promise me that she would try dating other people. She dated a few guys at school...and I started dating Billy. We were best friends for years at that point, no one seemed to notice when we became more, and it was a time when being gay was grounds for a dishonorable discharge, so we had to keep it a secret. Beyond the military, though, we were both from very religious families, and we were both scared to tell everyone back home. We got sent out on this mission, and it was all going perfectly to plan until it all went to hell. We were surrounded, they took out three members of the unit before we could even blink. I was hit and Billy, Jay, and I were the only ones still alive. We managed to get to cover and were able to take out the guys surrounding us, but now we’re stranded in the middle of the desert. Billy throws me over his shoulder and carries me the twenty-nine miles back to base. We were only a couple of clicks out when we apparently triggered a roadside IED. The three of us got thrown, I ended up with shrapnel in my other leg, but otherwise fine. Jay got knocked unconscious and some burns, but also survived. Billy took shrapnel straight to the heart and died before he hit the ground.” 

“Linda knows you were dating him?” Jamie asks, scooching closer to his brother and resting his head on the older man’s shoulder. 

Danny wraps his arm around his baby brother, and answers, “Yes, I told her as soon as I had a moment alone with her when I got back. I never wanted to keep secrets from her.” 

“Do you miss him?” Jamie asks quietly, making Danny think of the scared toddler Jamie had been when he had a nightmare and would beg to sleep with Danny. 

“Every day. On the anniversary of his death every year, I visit his grave and tell him what’s happened in the last year, give him updates on everyone in the family, and just sit and cry. Linda picks me up after a few hours and takes me out to eat, and then we go to the pier and stare at the water.” 

“Vinny and I were together for the last five months,” Jamie admits out loud for the first time since he started dating his partner. 

“I know. I could see the same look in your eyes, that I saw every day for those first few months when I looked in the mirror. Did you love him?” Danny asks. 

“Yeah, I really did...do...I still love him. It doesn’t feel real yet,” Jamie admits, feeling overwhelming relief at being able to talk about this with someone. 

“It won’t for a while, and then one day it will sink in, and all of the feelings that you’ve been suppressing will hit all at once, and you’ll cry and scream and yell at God for taking him away from you, but that is when you’ll start to heal,” Danny tells him, telling him what he’d wished someone had said when he was going through it. 

“Will I move on? Will I love again?” Jamie asks, worried that he was somehow broken now. 

“Of course you will, but you’ll have to be open to it, which is the hard part,” Danny reassures him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wow, that’s wild. How is it possible that two situations so eerily similar happen to a set of brothers?” Eddie asks, sadness now filling her voice too.

“I don’t know, but he has gotten me through it. He spent the anniversary with me last year and today. I’m glad I haven’t had to spend it alone yet. I don’t know what I’m going to do if he ever can’t get the day off.” Jamie says. Sighing, he lifts the bottle to his mouth and takes a small sip. 

“You’re not alone Jamie, I’m in this with you,” Eddie says firmly, scooting closer to him and wrapping a comforting arm around her partner. 

He looks at Eddie for a long moment then says, “My brother told me I need to be open to love when it comes along.” 

“Has it come along?” Eddie asks, dread clutching her heart. She’d had a crush on Jamie almost immediately, but she refused to hit on her training officer. The longer they rode together, the stronger that crush became. It wasn’t until Jamie helped her hunt down the guy that assaulted her that she realized she had fallen for him. 

He leaned forward to place the beer on the table and turned to look at her, “Yeah, it has. I tried to push it down, tried to hide from it for a long time now. I am terrified about falling for anyone else, let alone another partner...but I have, and I am too tired to hide from it anymore, and I don’t think Vinny would want me to be alone for the rest of my life.” 

“Another partner?” She asks, sounding out of breath. She tried to tamp down the hope building within her, but she found that she couldn’t. 

He nods, slowly leans forward, giving her enough time to pull away if she wanted, but she didn’t. He kissed her, and she kissed back. He pulled away after a moment, eyes still closed as they rested their foreheads together. After a moment of silence, she says “I love you too, Jamie,”  
~~~  
Over the next two months, they dated in secret, Danny being the only person to know. He promised to keep their secret, allowing them to figure out if they worked as a couple before breaking them up as partners. When, after two months, they only felt more in love than they had at the start of their relationship, Jamie approached Sergeant Renzulli. “Hey Sarge, can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked at the end of a shift. 

“Of course kid, come on in,” Renzulli says, happy to see the kid he’d come to think of as a younger brother. Jamie closes the door to the office and settles in the seat across from Renzulli, who says, “What’s going on, kid?” 

“I would like to request a new partner, sir,” Jamie says, surprising Renzulli. 

“Why, did you and Janko have a fight?” He asks, wondering if he could possibly salvage the situation. 

“No, sir. I am in love with her and would like to pursue a relationship. We are not allowed to ride together if we are in a romantic relationship, so I am requesting a change in partner.” Jamie explains, trying to sound as confident as possible. 

“Have you talked to Janko about this? It wouldn’t be worth breaking up a good working partnership if she isn’t on the same page,” Renzulli asks, wanting to make sure that Jamie wasn’t jumping the gun. 

“Yes sir, we’ve discussed it and we agree. We both want to see where this could go, and we can’t do that if we are riding together,” Jamie replies. 

“Alright, well, you have good timing. We’re getting some new recruits starting tomorrow, and I haven’t yet assigned their training officers. You’ll get one of them, don’t fall in love with this one, ok?” Renzulli says with a smirk. 

Jamie chuckles at that, saying “I promise I won’t,”

“Good, I’ll see you in the morning, dismissed,” Renzulli says, pulling out the necessary paperwork for all of the rearrangements he has to do by tomorrow morning. 

When he makes it out to his car, Eddie is leaning against the hood, “So?” 

“As of now, we are no longer riding together. I’m getting a new trainee, and you’ll find out who you’re paired with tomorrow morning.” He informs her, and she smiles. 

“So…” She says, slowly stepping up to him, wrapping her arm around his middle, and smiles up at him, “If I were to kiss you now, we wouldn’t get into trouble,” 

He smiles back, wrapping his arms around her too, “No, we wouldn’t,” He leans down, kissing her sweetly. 

“Take me home, Mr. Reagan?” She asks, happily smiling at the man she loves. 

“Mine or yours?” He asks, knowing that either way, they were staying together that night. 

“Yours,” She decides after a moment of thought. He kisses her again, pulls away, and opens the car door for her. Half-way back to the apartment, a thought occurs to her, and fear fills her, “Hey Jamie...does this mean we are telling your family now?” 

He could hear the fear in her voice, so he removes his right hand from the wheel, reaches across, and grasps her hand in his, “We don’t have to if you don’t want to yet, but I would really like to,” He answers. 

She takes a deep breath then says, “No, we will tell them...maybe at Sunday dinner?” 

He flashes a quick smile at her, readily agreeing. 

That Sunday, he times their arrival for right when everyone would be sitting down at the table. He leads her into the dining room, holding her hand in his. He notices Danny and Linda both smile, but they don't comment, letting him handle it. Everyone else gives them confused looks. He and Eddie step right up to the table and he says “Everyone, this is Eddie Janko. Until now she has been my partner at work, now she is my girlfriend. Before you say anything Dad, we already got placed with different partners...I love her.” He tells his family, and everyone cheers happily, getting up from the table to give them both hugs.  
~~~  
The third anniversary of Vinny’s death arrives on a Sunday. Thankfully Jamie, Eddie, and Danny all have the day off, so they spend it together while Linda fields the family questions. They decided to spend the day with Vinny’s family, meaning they skipped mass. Jamie had called them the past two years, but they still live in the Bitterman Projects, and he couldn’t bring himself to go back there unless he absolutely had to. Vinny’s mother and sister understood that, and they’d met up for several lunches over the last three years, but this is the first time he’s gone to their apartment. 

It was a very emotional day of looking at photo albums and telling stories, but when the time came for them to head over to the family dinner, he felt lighter than he had since before Vinny’s death. In the car on the way over, Jamie says, “I think it's time for me to tell the family what Vinny was to me.” 

Both Eddie and Danny looked at him in surprise, “Are you sure?” Eddie asks, fearing how the rest of the family may react. 

“Yes, I’m sure. I...I need them to understand why this still hurts me, why it still affects me the way it does.” Jamie tells them, gripping Eddie's hand tightly in his own. 

Danny took a deep breath then says, “I’m with you,”

“You mean…” Jamie started to ask, though Danny responded before he finished the question. 

“Yeah, it’s time they know about me too,” Danny says, white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel seeming to get even tighter. 

“You don’t have to do that just because I am,” Jamie says urgently. 

“We’re doing this together,” Danny assures softly. 

When they arrived at the house, they called everyone into the kitchen, and somehow Linda just knew that this was the day she had been anticipating but didn’t know when it would come. Jamie and Danny stood on one side of the island, Eddie next to Jamie and Linda next to Danny, the rest of the family filling in the space opposite them. Jamie started the conversation once everyone settled in their place. “There’s something that I need to tell you all. I’m sure you all remember that today is the anniversary of Vinny’s death. I’m also sure that you remember how angry and depressed I was following his death. You need to know why it affected me as badly as it did. Vinny wasn’t just my partner…” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. 

He could feel Eddie and Danny both lay comforting hands on him, which gives him the strength to continue, “Vinny and I were secretly dating for five months when he was killed. I had never dated a man before Vinny, but...I can’t explain it, I was drawn to him. I was in love with him. The last thing he said to me, with his dying breath, was that he loves me. Danny, Linda, and Eddie are the only people who knew, until now. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you when it happened. Homosexuality is frowned upon in catholicism, and...I couldn’t take the chance that you’d all turn your backs on me. I couldn’t lose my family on top of losing Vinny. I had every intention of never telling anyone...but Danny figured it out.”

“How did you know?” Erin asks Danny, shock and sadness filling her heart, not only for her brother’s loss but knowing that he didn’t think he could trust her with this. 

“I recognized what he was going through...because I’d gone through it myself. You remember my friend that was killed when we were deployed to Afghanistan, Billy Stevenson?” The whole family nodded, and he continued, “Linda and I had broken up before that deployment, I wanted to give her the chance to love someone else...someone that wouldn’t make her wait for them for four years. While we were deployed, he and I got a lot closer. In the third year of our deployment, we got together...romantically. I was in love with him, and he died saving my life. Linda was the only one that knew, she was what got me through the grief and depression. I didn’t tell you for the same reason Jamie didn’t. I couldn’t risk losing all of you because I had been with a man. I could see that Jamie was going through what I’d gone through so many years ago, and I couldn’t let him go through it alone,” he finishes. 

The family stands in silence for a long moment. Unsurprisingly, Nicki is the first to break the silence. She circles the island, wedging herself between her uncles, wrapping an arm around each, “I’m so proud of you both, and I’m so sorry for your losses.” She rests her head on Jamie’s shoulder and hugs them both a little tighter. 

After a moment, Erin joins the hug, followed by Jack and Sean. Now the only two not hugging the two men were Frank and Henry. Frank finally speaks, tears falling down his face, and pain in his voice, “Have I said or done something to make you boys think that I would no longer love you?” 

“It isn’t something we’ve talked about. I didn’t know your stance on it. I couldn’t take the risk,” Danny answers as succinctly as possible. When Frank circles the island, everyone but the boys move away. Frank pulled both of his sons to him, hugging them tightly. 

“I love you both so much, and this changes nothing. You are both my brave boys, and nothing could make me turn my back on either of you,” Frank tells them gruffly, and they would be lying if they said they didn’t have tears in their eyes too. 

“I love you too, Dad,” Jamie and Danny both whisper, almost simultaneously.  
~~~  
Danny and Jamie both felt relief from a weight they hadn’t even realized they’d been carrying. Keeping this secret had taken a toll that they hadn’t even been conscious of, and now that the family knew, that was gone. 

Another few months passed and Jamie decided it was time to propose to Eddie. An hour before he picked her up for the dinner cruise where he decided he was going to propose, he stopped by Vinny’s grave, “I’ve never stopped loving you Vinny, but I love her too. I hope you are ok with this.” He couldn’t explain the feeling of peace he got just then, but it felt as if Vinny was telling him to be happy. “Thank you,” He says, getting up from his place on the ground in front of the gravestone. He kissed the tips of his index and middle fingers and tapped them on the engraved V of Vinny’s name. He left the cemetery with a newfound sense of peace and made his way to Eddie’s.

**Author's Note:**

> “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” -Jane Howard


End file.
